There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
