Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
