Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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