Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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