I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
