I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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