You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
