ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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