he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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