Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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