I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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