normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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