I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
