He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
