whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
