so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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