ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
