If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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