im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
