He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
