Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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