The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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