my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
