Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
