I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
