Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
