im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
