i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
