Me. At least after what I've been through.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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