He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
