1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
