I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
