I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
