i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Welp...herpes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
