Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
