How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
