There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
