Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are we still banned from the library?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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