How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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