Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
