Whod you bang
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
