Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
