I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
