i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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