She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
