He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
