is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
