If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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