trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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