that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
