Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
